a Letter to Spongy

In order to be happy , you have to forget him.

those were her last words quoting her mom.

I wonder, could you forget me?, you may forget my face , my hair, my jokes, my tails and you may even forget my voice, but could you forget our moments together, could you forget the time we sat together by the river, could you forget the first time I told you I love you, and you may forget the way I looked at you but I'll never forget the way you looked back.

I know you're in pain, and I can't stand the thought that you're in pain because of me, but I write now with an agony whose size cannot be encompassed by a metaphor, I write feeling your tears crash around me, feeling myself being torn apart between telling you how much I love you, and knowing you'll suffer for it, and telling you that it's okay, and that somehow I'll manage, and drown into sorrow.
I had a choice, and I chose the latter, for reasons even I don't know, there are many things I don't know, like what would happen to us?, will we be together?, how you felt writing those words?,
but what I do know is what we had was real, what we felt was true.
I just want you to know that your laugh made my world crumble, that every time I see your face, somehow, the world doesn't seem as cruel,as sad, and not nearly as hopeless, as if the world was not in agony, but to me now, it is.
I ask myself now, after you have taken away my joy, do I blame you, no, do I hate you, a bit, do I love you, like there is no afterlife and you're my only heaven.

Iraq, this is between us.

Do I hate myself for saying this? yes i do, but it is the truth, I have simply given up on the idea that maybe one day my beloved country would be ummm, I'm searching for the word to describe what I hope for and I've finally found it . HABITABLE, that's all I'm looking for, sometimes I think is that really possible, to aim so low I mean and still lose all hope of getting it. Iraq, this is me, one of your own, a boy who felt proud to be called by your name, I loved you with every bit of my heart. and I feel as if you have betrayed me. as if you have given me the illusion that I should be proud to be on of your people.

Your people, your people are a pitiful excuse for humans, your people are the most retarded , self-centered, ignorant creatures that exist on earth. we have the worst of everything. we have more terrorists than any other country, we have people preying on religion to make benefit, politicians that feed on our agony and it's like each and everyone of them wants to suck us dry.

which leaves with the ones we count on, the ones that represent the people, our soldiers, some of them I'm proud of but that some is a very small percentage, most of them I would prefer pigs to, because thats what they are just tall pigs with guns.

Despite what I've said, from your people are the ones I love the most, I have a family that is unbelievably kind, found friends I think are the best people in the world, And I have fallen in love with the sweetest girl alive who is also one of your own.

Iraq, now I've come to the conclusion I never loved you, I just love some of the people living within your borders and I always will. no matter where I go.

I have fought this thought, of going abroad as soon as I finish school, now I just wanna go out, I'm sorry I say it with tears in my eyes, I'm really really sorry but I can't take it anymore, I can't take the disappointment, my dear country I wish you all the best and may your people find God, cause they have lost him and he has abandoned most of them.

And the TRAITOR was Released

I haven't posted in a long time but this, this I really have to get out of my chest.
We released Muntadhar Al Zaidi also known as the one who threw a shoe at George W. Bush Junior, after 9 months of imprisonment ( only 9 months ), to me this is a day of grief, this day 9/15/2009 is a day that I shall remember as the day I hated democracy, or at least this democracy, It really annoys me that this man did what he did and got away with a slap on the wrist, but what really kills me what's really eating me up is that some people actually call him A HERO.
Are we that low , yes, of course we're low, but have we gotten to the point where we have no regard for manners, ethics. I even wondered do we still have principles, or have we ever had principles, we never had a nation based on freedom or education, we were always barbaric and savage, we're not the descendants of the Sumerians that's for sure ( we would be a little more civilized, those guys invented writing) we are ignorant, barbaric, we live in constant anarchy, to me everything has piled up right now on my mind and I have come to the conclusion that we are a pathetic excuse of a nation, we kill, blow up, slay, dismember and mutilate each other, we steal from the people through the government like it's fool's gold and then say that we want Iraq to be a better place, right now we're a country that is dirty, dangerous, unethical, and ignorant, the only plus sides in it I believe ( besides me and my friends) are Oil and Noori Al Maliki .Oil has been around for decades and we've only grown more dependent on it day after day, so that's not gonna change anything, but in Al Maliki I trust and in him I believe, I believe that he is one of the few men of honor left in this country, and that it's not too late to build a nation based on principles like Pride and Honor and that we can be respected again but everything has to happen one step at a time.
I have strayed a lot from the subject but going back to it, Honestly, when I hear someone call this traitor a hero I feel ashamed, I feel that I never call the good people we lost in the bloodshed heroes, I may have called the National football team heroes and I recall a certain soldier who tackled a suicide bomber knowingly to prevent him from entering a mosque and they both exploded ( and I'm really sorry not to know his name: May his soul rest in peace). if I call this brave soldier a hero I feel ashamed that my words don't do him justice, but if I call that traitor a hero, then may God curse me in this life and the other.
It's not just ethically wrong ( what he did I mean) have we as Iraqis thought what we would do if some Iraqi spokesman ( not even president) got hit by an American's shoes, do you honestly think that we would hold our peace. or would we act in our usually futile barbaric state.
We should think that this act is global and it changes how nations perceive us. well, you don't usually throw shoes at your guests, and we are no exception.
The United States glorifies Abraham Lincoln for not starting the civil war, Martin Luther King for fighting Racism, we should take by their example.
but instead some of us glorify people like Saddam Hussein and Bin Laden, butchers and mass murderers claiming to fight for a just cause. in fact I won't be surprised if the whole world hates us, I don't know if they do but they have every right to. and it's not because we're going to heaven and they're all going to hell like the media says. heaven and hell are for god to decide.
finally,we should honor people for the great things they do, the things that drive their country forward, not the foolish acts their nations live to regret.
A Hero isn't born to be one neither can he learn to be one, a Hero is created at a moment of choice. When you choose others' benefit over yours at the darkest of times, rest assured, you are A HERO.

The Cradle of Civilization: The Cloak We Iraqis Hide Behind

I wanted to write about this topic because I see Iraqis, in general especially old ones when you talk about how retarded we all are, tend to give you this lame speech that we're the country where civilization was born. and I want to give my opinion about this topic.
What old people say is largely true, Mesopotamia has been the birthplace of writing and primal civilization, they were the role model of there time, the peak of scientific thinking and that makes me wonder, all those years, have we ever taken a good look at where we stand in this world, have we thought even for a second what brought us here, what made us go from hero to zero, when you browse the pages of history you see that great empires usually shatter after some time, but even when they do, there is always a time when they come back stronger , more determined that they will not let others mock them or look at them in scorn, that if they were once great they will never be slaves and they will do their best to be great again.
I believe that each man creates his own glory, that we can't be great just because our ancestors were once great, that we can not continue being proud hearing the echo of what our ancestors did, and that we should be the ones shouting about what we did and letting our sons hear our echos , we should be proud about the things we did, not the ones others did, and I believe that every moment that we're wasting being lazy or sloppy is a moment we can't replace, and that by accepting where we are now, we are insulting our country, ourselves and the memory of those Iraqis who were once great.
As I am writing this I wonder what has happened to us, are we so happy being a ridicule, Isn't there a desire in each of us that Iraq would once in our lifetime be looked at with awe and respect, and the question that rises above all and above all : why have we lost hope?
I haven't traveled much out of Iraq but I have seen that we are living in a world of our own, a world where things that we should be offended by became ordinary to us, a world where dirty streets are more common than clean ones, where people are killed in cold blood and no one gets accounted for it, I say we have hit rock bottom and we have to do something to pull ourselves out and I'm not saying that my post has great ideas that will fix everything but every small bit makes a difference, so please if you read my post, try to make a difference.
Thank you for your time.

How to Make Our Country A Better Place

The last month or so was the quietest the safest time I've ever spent since the war, It's probably because (Jaish Al - Mahdi) - Muqtada's militia stopped their actions but that's not our subject.
The political situation is the most popular subject people talk about since the war, you hear everyone's viewpoint on Iraq and the US forces. and how the US should have removed Saddam Hussein and gave every Iraqi a mansion to live in and a Ferrari to drive and that's just a load of crap .
In my opinion it's not prosperity that inspires people to do great things, it's the complete opposite, it's in the times people are pressured to the limit, it's when a person wants something so badly that he would give anything for it, that's when great things happen . For example :
The Iraqi soccer team won the AFC cup and made about 20 million Iraqis cry tears of joy on the day they won - and I must say it has been my happiest moment since the war- not because they're the most skilled or that they're paid more than the others, It's just because
they wanted to win so badly that you never see fear in their eyes, all you see is determination and that desire to give Iraqis just a little something to make them all happy. and they did.
So when we find in ourselves that desire, that determination to make Iraq a better place to live in, then and only then can we make our country a better place .

A Bad Feeling

Sometimes I wonder what feels worse , Is it pain? , is it depression? , is it emptiness ?, Or is it just not knowing how you feel , I wondered a lot but what I've figured is that all of those effect you and make you a different person they change the way you feel dramatically and it effects your personality, but then I figured It will effect you only if you let it get under your skin.
For example PAIN is in fact a nervous impulse, in other words pain is something your brain has absolute control over , and that's how some people walk on fire or lie on nails it's just because they have a much higher control ( I wouldn't say absolute ) over that part of their brain than most of us do .
Long story short : You can control pain by concentrating (YOGA for example) or just letting go.
the good stuff ends here the rest is just me bitching.
I've been feeling really crappy in the last few days and the reason for that is just not knowing how I feel , who I am or what will I become , will I die today , or will I live till I'm 80 , I think I'm feeling this crappy because I'm feeling that as long as I'm living in Iraq none of my dreams will happen (I wouldn't own a lambo Gallardo or own a villa or even go out to the street and feel safe) there is just too much violence and I'm quoting Evanescence " these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just to real there's just too much the time cannot erase"
There is just so much going on in my head I can't even think straight I feel that my brain is dealing with issues no human brain can handle -not just mine- ( Girls , School , Security, friends future , money) and nothing seems to get any better ,if i could solve some of these problems I would be able to concentrate a bit but still nothing seems to work , what I'm hoping is that all this pressure will end next June or July when I'm done with high school ( hopefully I'll get more than 96% ) in the finals - In Iraq the finals decide everything so you take one exam and your whole life depends on it (no pressure huh)- in order for me to get to med school or ..............

The Iraqi Conspiracy Theory

When you talk to people about the situation in Iraq , you hear all kinds of opinions, all kinds of suggestions , but the opinion I hear the most is the conspiracy theory that when you talk to common people they seem to unanimously agree to it , and it states that : the United States and Israel and Iran and the surrounding Arab countries are conspiring against Iraq and they are the reason for our current situation and that Iraqis are the only good guys left in the universe (not exactly but still the same idea).
I thought about this a lot and it doesn't make any sense at all , so i tried to find out what causes people to agree to such nonsense and I found that the only reason is that people - especially Iraqis - tend to run away from responsibility and blame others for their mistakes, and I think that's what's causing us to sink deeper and deeper in this swamp , so in order for us to get out we have to admit that we are also responsible for everything that's happened , and every Iraqi should shout - I'm quoting Akon - " You can put the blame on me ".
by the way I'm not denying that Iran & Arabs and even the US should take some of the blame.
What I think is that Iraqis need to wake up, and realize that if they won't do something to change their current situation , No one will change it for them, neither the US nor Iran nor Arabs , All of those guys act based on their own interests , What they need to realize is that this world isn't based on love or hatred neither it is based on good and evil ,In fact this world is based upon interests and benefits , the United States has interests in Iraq and so does Iran and all the Arabs And none of them gives a damn about the Iraqis , But what I believe is causing the chaos within our country is us the Iraqis and we have to stop killing , robbing , kidnapping and blowing up each other , We have to realize that we all have one thing in common we are all Iraqis and we should all help heal this country's wounds so one day , maybe just maybe our children will be proud of being Iraqis .